Friday, April 24, 2009

"I" is for Imperial Inn

"Excuse me, but I thought I read that you guys serve dim sum," I said to our waitress as we eyed our typical suburban bastardized version of a Chinese menu (heavy on the sweet and sour, general Tso's, and fried rice).

"Only until 2 o'clock."

"Whoops. Guess we'll come back another time."

And so, in a nutshell, this explains why this blog has gone dark for most of the last month. The wife and I first stepped foot into Imperial Inn 2 weeks ago with the intent of continuing our food journey, but once we realized this was not what I was intending and that it was going to be, well, it was going to suck, we hightailed it out of there. I thought briefly about cheating and either skipping Imperial Inn or choosing one of the losing "I" restaurants, but then I thought, "How dare I shortchange everyone who waits with bated breath before making a single dining decision based upon my feedback! And how dare I reverse a lifetime of playing by the rules, calling it like it is, and refusing to take shortcuts (yeah, yeah, that's right!)!!!"

As a result, I waited patiently. Imperial Inn isn't that far from my office, and there is nothing chaining to me desk. Unfortunately, the first day I wanted to go, it was pouring. No thanks. The second time, a meeting popped up. Cancelamundo. So it was this week that I was able to convince two colleagues to come with me to Imperial Inn, despite the following exchange.

"Want to try a dim sum restaurant?"
"Sorry, I don't eat soup."
"Um, dim sum isn't soup."
"Oh, OK."

For those of you who have never been to a dim sum restaurant, it's sort of a hybrid between today's popular Brazilian steakhouses and the tapas movement rushing through the city. Various waitresses wheel around carts with about 4 or 5 different items on them, sort of grouped together (one will, for instance, have several kinds of dumplings, while another will have several kinds of noodle dishes). You tell them which ones you want and they mark it down on your check. Every item costs exactly the same amount (about $2.50) so it's easy to tell how much you are spending.

The great thing about dim sum is that, if you go with enough people, you can try a lot of different things. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong two people to go with. They were nice enough and the conversation was fine, but they couldn't eat the dim sum. I mentioned their food no-nos -- well, almost all dim sum at the Imperial Inn had pork in it, so they ended up ordering from the regular menu. I was stuck fending for myself. I did my best.

On to the full review...

THE FOOD: I started too fast, I admit it. I ordered shrimp dumplings off of cart No. 1, pork and shrimp gyoza from cart No. 2, and fried taro balls with pork and shrimp from cart No. 3. I couldn't say no. I realized my mistake rather quickly -- they had a lot to choose from and my stomach can only take so much. I settled for one more dish -- I honestly can't even remember it was right now, but I know that it had pork. The food was actually pretty decent -- the taro balls were a little bit too mushy on the insides, but they were different. I liked the dumplings and gyoza. I really wish I could have tried more -- they had lots of interesting items on later carts. Oh well.

THE DRINKS: Philly finest (tap water). They have a bar, but it almost looks like they put it in what used to be the coat closet. Weird.

THE STAFF: Us: "So, is there anything vegetarian on the dum sum carts?" Them: "Yes, have vegetables. And pork and shrimp. Everything." Us: "Yeah, but is there anything a vegetarian can eat?" Them: "Order from menu." Us: "Oh, OK."

MAD PROPS FOR: The hostess. We walked in and were told to sit down near the entrance and that they would seat us in a few minutes (the place was very crowded). We sat down for about 30 seconds in seats about 6 feet away. A group of two others was sitting a little closer. She sat them first, of course, but then made us move into their seats, a whole 3 feet away. It felt like we were in line for a ride at the amusement park.

OVERALL: The wife is not much of a Chinatown fan, but I have always enjoyed the adventure. Still, Imperial Inn feels too much like an dumbed-down Chinese restaurant and the clientele was absolutely all over the place -- some people who spoke only Chinese and some people who appeared to be in from Iowa. I did like the dum sum concept, but I wouldn't go back to Imperial Inn. Alas...

THE CHECK: $36 for the 3 of us, with tip. I expensed it (no joke, it was our "going away lunch" for our intern. Have I mentioned how lax our company meal policy is?)

On to the J...

Ineligible restaurants for round 10:
  • Jack's Firehouse -- I so wish I could say nice things about this Fairmount staple. The space is stunning, but the food is just so subpar and so expensive that no one is happy with their experience. They do a great job marketing to the suburbanites who walk there from the Art Museum, which keeps the place afloat, but it always makes me sad when I walk by. It could be so good with the right concept and chef. Oh well.
  • James -- A favorite of foodies, I only went once 2 years or so ago and was underwhelmed. May have just been a bad night.
  • Jim's Steaks -- No place better for a 3 a.m. cheesesteak, and the line proves it. I send tourists here not because the cheesesteaks are wonderful, but because it has that Philly feel. Plus, you can walk there from Independence Park.
  • Jimmy John's -- The first time I noticed a Jimmy John's in Philadelphia, I did a double take. "A Decatur chain on the East Coast?" I guess they must be branching out.
  • J.L. Sullivan's Speakeasy -- Beautiful space that replaced Zanzibar Blue on Broad Street, but the menu is fried, fried, fried. It sort of is trying to be a sports bar. It isn't going to make it.
  • Johnny Manana's -- Fun place in East Falls, but not much more than a Friday's with Mexican food.
  • Jones -- I end up here a lot for lunch since it's right around the corner from my office, and let me tell you, this place cleans up. The food isn't cheap, but it is generally decent. I'm a sucker for their fried chicken in a basket with fries. The "make your own salad" can be good too. Portion size is out of control.
Candidates for round 10:

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