"M" is for Meme

OK, boys and girls, here is today's quiz. You ask Waiter X, "What do you recommend?" in a very interested tone. He responds by describing 5 of the 7 dinner items on the menu in detail. Unfortunately, 1 of the 2 he doesn't mention is one of the entrees you were strongly considering ordering. What do you do?

A. Throw caution to the wind and order the entree you wanted anyway
B. Follow his lead and choose only from those dishes he spoke about
C. Leave the restaurant in a huff and scream to all patrons, "I will never come back to this dump! I found mouse droppings in my food."
D. Stare at him blankly until he slithers away to tell the kitchen, "Spit in the food of table 19."

Now I know that one of you probably chose answer C while others may have erred in choosing answer D, but in reality, those choices were both red herrings to distract you. The two logical choices on here are A and B, and it's important to explain why one is right and one is wrong.

As many of you undoubtedly remember from earlier months, "I am not a waiter, I don't want to be a waiter, etc., etc." However, I have read enough about waitering and eaten out enough to understand how "the dance" works. There are some waiters and waitresses who quite frankly I would never ask for their opinion -- it's usually easy to see if they don't care. But for those who do and show some interest in their jobs, it's never a bad idea to ask them for an OVERALL reflection on the menu. It's important not to get too specific -- if you ask, "How is the chicken?", you will almost always get the same reaction, "Good." You need to make them think and then listen carefully to what they have to say. The wait staff usually is pretty good at steering customers toward the better items, although if they recommend the most expensive items without even noting some of the less expensive ones, that's a dead giveaway that they are interested only in a big tip. It's tricky, but it often pays off.

Which brings us to the latest stop on our food tour, Meme.

Located on the corner that used to house Melograno (22nd and Spruce), Meme is a cozy and bright restaurant fighting for its life in the Rittenhouse district. It has a lot going for it -- a great location that draws a lot of food traffic, good early reviews in the press, and a really positive general vibe. It's an interesting menu with a various of appetizers and entrees. Things are sort of all over the map with no real consistent theme, but that's OK. It's all about the execution.

Before our hippy dippy waiter (cool and awesome were his two favorite words) came by to take our order, the wife and I had already pretty much decided on our appetizer of grilled calamari, which turned out OK -- a little bit overcooked, but not terrible. The key selection was going to be the entree. We had already eliminated the swordfish, linguini, and something else I don't remember. That narrowed it down to the steak, skate, duck, and pork chops.

Importantly, though, we didn't lead the waiter along and gave him a chance to offer his opinion on the menu. He specifically noted the swordfish, linguini, duck, and pork chops. That made our choice easy. I got the duck and the wife got the kurobata pork chop (he described it as the Kobe beef of pork chops). And let me tell you, I am glad we listened. Both were excellent.

Duck can be tricky -- it needs to be crispy on the outside and tender in the middle. It was cooked perfectly and paired nicely grits, collard greens, and a port sauce. I don't usually like grits or collard greens, but these both were very good on this dish. The wife's pork chop was even better. I have never had a pork chop that was so tender and flavorful. It was great. The accompanying succotash was also excellent. Really, it was one of the best entrees I have tried in a while. I was actually a bit jealous that I only got a few tastes.

Dessert -- a blueberry panna cotta in a teapot (sort of a thick blueberry yogurt) with a munchkin donut -- was just OK, but that didn't put a damper on the overall meal. It was a welcome change after a recent run of subpar meals.

THE FOOD: To think that we missed probably the most ballyhooed entree on the menu -- the roasted chicken for two (they ran out since they were closing for the July 4th holiday and didn't want to overorder). They even have a random lunch on Thursday only -- fried chicken with a biscuit and a Miller High Life for $12 (or so). Sounds like fun to me.

THE DRINKS: This was one of my main gripes. Meme is the prime BYOB zone, it's the size of a BYOB, looks like a BYOB, but it's not. We had brought a bottle of wine with us (my bad), but figured the $10 corkage fee wasn't worth it. We each got a glass of wine.

THE STAFF: Our waiter was quirky and a bit of an oddball, but I liked that he seemed to enjoy his job and really like the restaurant he was representing. I trusted his guidance and we were rewarded for it.

MAD PROPS FOR: The guy at a table a few down from us who, when a neighboring table asked their waitress, "How are the mussels," he leaned over and told them how great they were. The only thing better than a recommendation from a waiter is one from a unbiased, impartial customer. The mussels did looks extremely cool by the way -- they weren't your traditional steamed mussles, rather they were shelled and then presenting on a sizzling plate.

OVERALL: They are doing a very good job at Meme. The menu is small and, as I said, may look a bit disjointed, but they clearly know what they are doing. I would definitely go back.

THE CHECK: $100 for 2 of us. It's not a cheap place, moreso if you are going to be drinking, so save it for a special occasion.

On to the Ns...

Ineligible restaurants for round 14:

• Nick's Pizza -- The old childhood standby in the Dresher Plaza is, somehow, still going strong. Decent pizza, not bad cheesesteaks, but I used to go for the video games.
• Nineteen (XIX) -- Without question one of the most romantic settings in the city. Just be prepared to pay for it.
• Nodding Head -- Since this is where we ended up on our wedding night post-reception, I'll always have fond memories of this Sansom Street watering hole. But really, it's a great low-key bar, especially when the dart boards are open.
• North by Northwest -- Interesting jazz joint in Mt. Airy. I was only here once, and didn't eat, so I can't vouch for the food, good or bad.
• North 3rd -- Standing out in gastropub central over in Northern Liberties isn't easy. With Standard Tap, Honey's, and loads of other excellent restaurants nearby, I always thought North 3rd needed to step up its game. It's not bad, just not particularly interesting.

Candidates for round 14:

I could be dishonest and allow for voting this round, but the wife has already chosen Noble American Cookery for her birthday meal (http://www.noblecookery.com/) and since it fits into our "N" rotation, that'll be the next writeup. Sorry -- the regular poll will return for the "Os". As a replacement, we have a very special poll for this entry. Oh, and by the way, the wife said she likes receiving cash from her friends and family as gifts. Just in case you weren't sure.

"L" is for Le Virtu

Several wise men throughout history have been quoted as saying, “There is nothing better for the empty stomach than a big bowl of pasta. And nothing worse than a hot dog bought at a gas station convenience store that has been rotating on those weird machines for a month.”

OK, I made that last part up. For that matter, I made up the first part too. But, in my mind, they are both nonetheless true.

I’ve leave the hot dog story alone for now and focus on the pasta. When I go out for Italian food in south Philly, I don’t expect to leave hungry. I’ll almost always order pasta of some sort, and when it is done right, man, it is hard to beat. But it’s not as easy as it sounds. For starters, the pasta can be too stringy or too thick, undercooked or overcooked. And the sauce may be gloppy or gloopy, runny or ruddy.

The funny thing is, it looks so simple. Pasta is basically just flour, eggs, water and salt (I’m sure I’m missing something, but I don’t remember off the top of my head). The problem is that everything must be combined in very exact proportions, cut precisely, and boiled for a precise timeframe. Get anything wrong, and it’s not going to taste right.

Which brings us to our latest stop, Le Virtu, slapped down in the heart of south Philadelphia. It’s a very attractive restaurant, with a spacious, somewhat romantic outdoor patio that is made for eating outdoors in the summertime. The view isn’t great – Linda’s Fold and Wash across the street, I’m sure, does great work, but it sort of kills the mood a little – but Le Virtu has done the best it can with the space is has. As my four trusty readers should know though (yes, we have a new regular reader!), I’m about the food way more than the ambiance.

The verdict there was, well, mixed at best.

The menu really is well put together, with a healthy smattering of appetizers, pastas, and heartier meat dishes. There were quite a number of entrees I considering before settling on the “guitar string” pasta with lamb ragu. For whatever reason, I had it in my head that “guitar string” pasta would be thicker, sort of like linguini. It wasn’t. It was very, very thin pasta.

Fortunately, they did give me a healthy plate of pasta, which was nice because I was starving (our appetizer of grilled shrimp and squid was yummy, but sparse). That’s the best thing I can say though. I ate because I was hungry, not because the dish was particularly outstanding. There was nothing specifically bad about the dish – the pasta was cooked right, the sauce didn’t have any bones it in (I’ve had that problem before), and everything was hot. But there was no real interesting flavors there – I ate because I was hungry and I got down to the bottom of my plate. I will say that the wife’s dish looked a little more promising – it was sort of a bowtie pasta kind of shape with wild mushrooms. Again, though, it was just OK.

Our dessert -- Pizza Dolce – also sounded great on the menu, but it just didn’t come through. The sponge cake was too soft and the filling wasn't anything special. All in all, a very average meal in a very crowded category of Italian restaurants.

On to the full review…

THE FOOD: I was so hungry I would have chowed down on anything edible, but I was still a little disappointed. I have generally had pretty good luck with south Philly Italian joints, but Le Virtu didn’t come through (Get it? It rhymes? Vertu=come through. OK, forget it. I'm tired, OK?)

THE DRINKS: Unlike a large percentage of Philadelphia Italian joints, Le Virtu is not a BYOB. The glass of chardonnay I ordered was awful. I NEVER send back wine, but I considered it. It was that bad.

THE STAFF: There were a lot of waiters and waitresses floating around late on a Sunday night. Some knew more than others. Our main waiter was pretty inexperienced and fumbled over a lot of the specials. He tried, but he just wasn’t very good.

MAD PROPS FOR: The pretty outdoor area. It addition to the patio, there was a well-manicured lawn next door. It was a bit odd as it seemed like they would have annexed it into more seating, but it did help the ambiance.

OVERALL: Eh.

THE CHECK: $80 for a dinner for two. For those prices, I expected better. Pass.

We’ve hit a stumbling block here recently, but there are a lot of places with good reputations on the horizon. Let’s hope for some improvements.

On to the Ms...

Ineligible restaurants for round 13

• Mad Mex -- Really good margaritas and pretty darn good Mexican food near Penn's campus. It sort of has a chain-ish feel, but I have had good times here.
• Mama Palma's -- On my Philly Top 10 list. The best pizza in the city, at least for eat-in places. Don't get take out -- the pizza needs to be eaten right out of the oven.
• Mandarin Garden -- The family "special occasion" Chinese restaurant growing up. It was fine, I guess.
• Marathon Grill -- A great example of a successful chain that knows its appeal. Marathon is great for breakfast, good for lunch, and fine for dinner.
• McDonalds -- All in all, I have probably eaten more at McDonalds than any "restaurant" in the world. I'm not proud of it. I had a think for Chicken McNuggets and McRib sandwiches when I was in middle and high school. And don't get me started on my Filet O' Fish story. Thank God I don't eat here anymore.
• Melting Pot -- I don't get this place. The one time I ate here, it sucked. The format is unique, I guess, and it's a big suburban date place, but don't go for a good meal.
• Meritage -- Very pretty corner spot north of Rittenhouse Square. It's a good destination meal -- not cheap, but good.
• Mixto -- Good booze, bad food.
• Modo Mio -- I really liked this high-end Italian joint in a somewhat sketchy north of Northern Liberties locale. The wife wasn't as crazy about it.
• Morimoto -- One of these days, I would love to try the $100+ omikase tasting menu here. I have read great things about it. The one time I had the off-the-menu dinner, it was good, but not overwhelming. The tableside tofu was a neat touch though.
• Mugshots -- We're here lots of Saturday morning and some Sundays. Good coffee, good muffins, decent bagels. Big crowds though so be prepared to wait in line.

Candidates for round 13:

• Marigold Kitchen -- Admittedly, I have been to Marigold, but it was several years ago before they changed chefs and concepts. It's a totally different restaurant now, so it qualifies. http://marigoldkitchenbyob.com/
• Meme -- There has been a lot of buzz about this Rittenhouse newcomer to the BYOB scene. Want to know what it's all about? http://www.memerestaurant.com/
• Memphis Taproom -- Another new joint that has gotten a lot of good publicity. A twist on pub food out in Fishtown. http://www.memphistaproom.com/
• Mustard Greens -- Not your typical Chinese restaurant. First of all, it's in Queen's Village instead of Chinatown. Secondly, it's a much more diverse menu. http://philadelphia.menupages.com/restaurants/mustard-greens/

"K" is for Kanella

I like to think of myself as a very open-minded and adventurous eater. I would watch Fear Factor and see the contestants get all grossed out eating bugs or brains or whatever other unsavory items that were placed before them and think "Stop being such a wuss. I could get through this 'challenge' easily."

Of course, I wasn't always this way. Thanks to a suburban upbringing, my impression of "ethnic" restaurants growing up were Chi Chis (Mexican), Olive Garden (Italian), and King Tien/Mandarin Garden/whatever other Americanized name (Chinese). That was pretty much it. I would still try various items probably beyond most teenagers when we went to nicer restaurants -- I was on a duck kick for many years, and it remains one of my favorite dishes when done well, and I distinctly remember ordering snake one time -- but looking back, my palate was limited. And frankly, I probably wouldn't have liked a lot of the ethnic places in the city back then -- it's easy to grow up closed minded to food because that is what you are around and that is what you know. Indian food? Gross! French? Yuck, yuck, yuck. Give me TGI Friday's any day!

Fortunately, as I grew older and burst out of my suburban shell, I recognized that there is more to life than General Tso's chicken, unlimited breadsticks, and bean burritos. One of my favorite things -- if not my absolute favorite thing -- about living in the city is the wealth and diversity of culinary choices. As I hope I have demonstrated in my blog so far this year, you can experience so many different parts of the world within only a few minutes drive that it's a crime not to open your eyes and your mouth to see what is out there, what you truly do like and truly don't like.

However, I have to admit sometimes I am too open minded and have a hard time admitting that there are some foods and some cuisines that I just don't like. Take eggplant for instance. It's a relatively popular vegetable that pops up on so many menus and I know a lot of people enjoy it. So when I kept trying it served in many different ways and as part of many different dishes and constantly said "Ick," I kept figuring it must have been the way it was prepared. It took years to finally recognize, "You know, maybe I just don't like eggplant that much."

So what does all this have to do with our latest stop, Kanella? Well, Greek food is my "eggplant." The wife and I spent our honeymoon in Greece, and while the country and scenary was beautiful, the food was general uninspiring. The best thing I ate was a $2 gyro from a street cart near the beach in Santorini. Everything else was bland, mushy, and just generally uninspiring. But I kept chalking it up to, "Well, the chef here must not have been that good." I went to a Greek place in San Francisco back in November and was equally unimpressed. Obviously, a pattern was forming, but I remained convinced it was the restaurants and not me.

And so I arrived at Kanella with an open mind. I really, really wanted to like Greek food. I mean, I read the menu and it sounded OK so I figured, "Heck, I should like this, right?"

We were greeted by a very cheerful brother and sister team (waiter and hostess) who were really exceptionally friendly and accommodating. They treated us very well and did their best to guide us through the menu to the right choices. Frankly, nothing jumped out at me as a "must have" so I was happy to have some help. I knew from the start that we were going to get the pita with the "dips of the day" -- those are usually among the best bets for the wife and I -- but I was somewhat at a loss for my entree.

I didn't want something boring -- whole fish, steak, or chicken -- so I narrowed my choices to the two most ethnic choices on the menu, the braised rabbit and the goat stew. As I soon as I mentioned my options to our waiter, he didn't hesitate in guiding me toward the goat stew. OK, I was willing to go for it.

It arrived and looked pretty bad -- it just didn't present well. The goat looked like something that might have been floating in the toilet. But I have had some excellent meals that weren't visually appealing -- it doesn't happen often, but it happens. Unfortunately, this was not one of those times. There was nothing wrong with how the dish was presented -- the goat was cooked fine, but it just didn't taste like anything. The accompanying beans and vegetables were also OK, but it just didn't excite me. Everything was just so very blah. Especially with a $24 price tag. Alas...

On to the full review...

THE FOOD: Outside of my main course, the pita and dips were yummy. There were three kinds -- hummus with sardine paste, fava beans with parsley, and eggplant (talk about a signal!). I really like salty fish, so the hummus with sardine paste was my favorite, but they were all good. The wife got the moussaka for dinner -- as traditional Greek as it gets -- I tried it and hated it, but she liked it.

THE DRINKS: Kanella is a BYOB. They had an interesting-sounding almond drink on the menu, but I didn't try it.

THE STAFF: As mentioned earlier, the waiter and hostess were both very nice and they tried their best. When I noted to our waiter that I wasn't crazy about the stew, he said, "Guess I should have recommended the rabbit." But he didn't offer to take anything off our bill. Oh well.

MAD PROPS FOR: I must give credit to our waiter for saving me from my own stupidity. We were walking back to the car when I realized I was missing something -- namely, my wallet. I turned around and walked 2 blocks back to the restaurant. Fortunately, our waiter had it in his hands waiting for me. My credit cards were all still there too.

OVERALL: Sadly, I think it's time to swear off Greek restaurants. Kanella may indeed be a worthwhile stop for others -- there was nothing about it that screamed out, "Don't eat here!" -- but it's not for me. One more minor qualm -- the new restaurant across the street that replaced Azul Cantina (our first entry in this series) played very, very loud music and really hurt the overall ambiance on a nice Friday night.

THE CHECK: $62 with tip for the 2 of us. It's not a cheap joint.

On the Ls...

Ineligible restaurants for round 12:

• La Locanda del Ghiotonne -- Hot, bright, loud, and reeking of garlic -- exactly the way a classic Italian restaurant should be. La Locanda has lots of personality and great food. One of my favorite places in the city.
• L'Angolo -- A big reputation that, at least on my night there, didn't quite live up to the accolades.
• Las Bugambillas -- There are a lot of Mexican fusion places in the city that I love; Las Bugambillas doesn't mess with that sort of stuff. It's high-quality, traditional Mexican food. Enchiladas, burritos, etc., with a lot of seafood as well.
• Las Cazuelas -- This Mexican gem on Girard Ave. has quite a following. I like it, don't love it.
• La Viola -- This place did so well that it opened up a sister restaurant across the street with the same name. I'm told the original restaurant is nicer -- I only ate in the loud, crowded neighbor.
• Little Fish -- Easily one of my top 3 favorite restaurants in the city. It is VERY small, but I love the open kitchen, the small menu, and the absolutely fabulous food. It deserves every one of the accolades it has received in recent years.
• L'Oca -- L'Oca is a weird place. Everyone in my neighborhood was very excited when it opened a few years ago, but it hit a rough spot and people soured on it. Yet it has hung in there and I'm hearing better things. Time for a revisit soon.
• Lolita -- Love the BYOT (tequila) concept, hate the surly wait staff.
• London Grill -- One of Fairmount's original gastropubs. London Grill is a nice place to sit outside, have a drink, and order a plate of fish and chips. The higher end fare is not worth the trouble.

Candidates for round 12:

• Le Bec-Fin -- Philadelphia's stalwart, Le Bec-Fin has been the city's culinary anchor on Walnut St. for many, many years. Anyone want to foot the bill? http://www.lebecfin.com/
• Le Virtu -- Not your usual south Philly Italian joint. The restaurant has an interesting mix of pastas and heartier entrees. http://www.levirtu.com/
• Lovash -- A pretty Indian restaurant right in the heart of hipster South Street. I've read mixed things about the food. http://www.lovashindiancuisine.com/
• Ly Michael's -- Upscale Asian food in Chinatown. I'm up for something hot and spicy if you are. http://lymichaelsrestaurant.com/default.aspx

"J" is for John's Roast Pork

If you ask people across the United States what Philadelphia is best known for, you may get a few answers. "The Liberty Bell" or "Obnoxious Sports Fans" or "Really Cute Jewish Men" but more often than not, they are going to throw out "Cheesesteaks!" At least a dozen times a year, I am asked on my summer walking tours of Independence Square (coming soon!), "So where is the best place to get a cheesesteak?" Now I don't purport to be a cheesesteak connoisiour -- I probably only eat one or two a year -- but I have been to many of the big-name places. Geno's. Pat's. Jim's. None are particularly wonderful, but they are all a true Philadelphia experience. But I am very clear when I recommend one of these places (usually Jim's since it is closest) -- if you are expecting to a memorable meal flavorwise, you are going to be disappointed.

Traditionally, my favorite joint has been Delassandro's down in Roxborough. I was turned onto it by a friend a few years ago and usually go every now and then. It's a good sandwich that follows the hallmark of a respectable cheesesteak -- checklist to come later -- but it's a bit of a hike from downtown Philly.

I had first heard John's Roast Pork mentioned as a worthy challenger a few years back in Philadelphia Magazine's section on the best cheesesteaks in town (or was in the Inquirer? I forget) and then again on WIP when they had some sort of cheesesteak competition (which gave them a puny trophy that wasn't even as nice as my 2nd grade "participation" soccer trophy -- very very weak). Both times, the voters lavished praise on this tiny little south Philly shack in the shadows of Ikea. So why has it taken me so long to get there? Well, basically, because it's not exactly a customer friendly place.

John's Roast Pork is only open weekdays, and only then until 3 p.m. (grill closes at 2:30). It's certainly not within walking distance from downtown, which means I either have to take a day off from work, "work from home," or convince a co-worker to drive down there. I tried the last approach, but no one would bite, so I finally decided, "Screw it, I am working from home today. Today is the day!" And it was. Barely.

I walked it at 2:25 due to an unavoidable meeting at the office. I was the last person served before they turned off the grill. I would have been really, really pissed if I had been turned away. Fortunately, the food Gods were on my side.

So was it worth the wait? Oh yes. Oh yes indeed. Prepare yourselves people. John's Roast Pork is every bit as good as its reputation.

On to the full review...

THE FOOD: A good cheesesteak needs three things -- high quality chopped steak meat, cheese that is actually melted into the meat, and a hearty, moisture-absorbant roll. I can't emphasize this last point enough. If your cheesesteak drips onto your sleeve, it belongs in the trash can. John's cheesesteak passed the test in all three areas. Not only was their roll sturdy, but it has sesame seeds on the outside which only added to the flavor. I like mushrooms and onions on my cheesesteak, so those got piled on as well. It all added up to heaven. Hot, yummy, and filling. I was really, really impressed. It burned the roof of my mouth a little, but I didn't care even a little.

THE DRINKS: I got a Barq's root beer. Whoopie.

THE STAFF: John's is a family run joint. They move people in and out quickly -- it is a popular place. Like I said, I walked in at 2:25 p.m. on a Monday and there were 6 people ahead of me. Ten minutes later, lunch was served.

MAD PROPS FOR: The outdoor picnic tables. John's is nothing to look at. It's a shack next to the railroad tracks. But it was nice on a sunny day to be able to sit outside, spread out my sandwich and my napkins, and eat in peace.

OVERALL: If you have never been to John's, you really should go. It isn't the Philadelphia experience that Pat's, Geno's, or Jim's is, but this is a cheesesteak the way it's meant to be. They have other sandwiches on the menu also -- fish cake, anyone? -- but I can only recommend the one. It was everything it was cracked up to be. I will deliver my trophy next time I am there, probably in another 5 years.

THE CHECK: $9.75 for sandwich and a soda. It's a fair price for what you get.

On to the Ks....

Ineligible restaurants for round 11:

• Kabul -- I remember going to this Afghan place in Old City a few weeks after 9/11. It felt a bit eerie. Traditional, cheap food at this surprisingly good BYOB.
• Kentucky Fried Chicken -- The wife told me her "favorite meal" growing up was a bucket of KFC. Shed a tear for her, folks. How she couldn't appreciate the joys of Chicken McNuggets is beyond me.
• Kibitz in the City -- The "New York" style Jewish deli near my office. The overstuffed sandwiches are good, but it's very much overpriced. I don't get it.
• King George II Inn -- This Bristol restaurant is where I went to dinner the night I got engaged (we stole the thunder of the mom, whose birthday it was -- oops).
• Kisso -- I tried to like this sushi joint when I first moved back to Philly, but it never caught on with me. It was OK, but nothing special.
• Kite and Key -- One of Fairmount's newer gastropubs. The setup is great to enjoy the summertime weather and the food isn't bad.

Candidates for round 11:

• Kanella -- I have heard good things about this upscale Greek joint near Washington Square. www.kanellarestaurant.com
• Ken Shin Asian Diner -- This place just opened a few weeks ago. It's a total wildcard. I have no clue. http://philadelphia.menupages.com/restaurants/ken-shin-asian-diner/
• Kimberton Inn -- This round's suburban entry. Alas, I have no clue where Kimberton is. Just follow the manure, I suppose. www.kimbertoninn.com
• Kristian's Ristorante -- We're due to get back to a top-notch Italian restaurant soon. Here is your chance. http://www.kristiansrestaurant.com/

One more thing before I go. Special props to Copper Bistro out in Northern Liberties -- we had a surprise party for 18 for the mother-in-law over the weekend and not only were they accommodating and flexible every step of the way, but the food was very good at a very affordable price. I could not have been more impressed.

Enjoy the outdoor eating everyone!

"I" is for Imperial Inn

"Excuse me, but I thought I read that you guys serve dim sum," I said to our waitress as we eyed our typical suburban bastardized version of a Chinese menu (heavy on the sweet and sour, general Tso's, and fried rice).

"Only until 2 o'clock."

"Whoops. Guess we'll come back another time."

And so, in a nutshell, this explains why this blog has gone dark for most of the last month. The wife and I first stepped foot into Imperial Inn 2 weeks ago with the intent of continuing our food journey, but once we realized this was not what I was intending and that it was going to be, well, it was going to suck, we hightailed it out of there. I thought briefly about cheating and either skipping Imperial Inn or choosing one of the losing "I" restaurants, but then I thought, "How dare I shortchange everyone who waits with bated breath before making a single dining decision based upon my feedback! And how dare I reverse a lifetime of playing by the rules, calling it like it is, and refusing to take shortcuts (yeah, yeah, that's right!)!!!"

As a result, I waited patiently. Imperial Inn isn't that far from my office, and there is nothing chaining to me desk. Unfortunately, the first day I wanted to go, it was pouring. No thanks. The second time, a meeting popped up. Cancelamundo. So it was this week that I was able to convince two colleagues to come with me to Imperial Inn, despite the following exchange.

"Want to try a dim sum restaurant?"
"Sorry, I don't eat soup."
"Um, dim sum isn't soup."
"Oh, OK."

For those of you who have never been to a dim sum restaurant, it's sort of a hybrid between today's popular Brazilian steakhouses and the tapas movement rushing through the city. Various waitresses wheel around carts with about 4 or 5 different items on them, sort of grouped together (one will, for instance, have several kinds of dumplings, while another will have several kinds of noodle dishes). You tell them which ones you want and they mark it down on your check. Every item costs exactly the same amount (about $2.50) so it's easy to tell how much you are spending.

The great thing about dim sum is that, if you go with enough people, you can try a lot of different things. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong two people to go with. They were nice enough and the conversation was fine, but they couldn't eat the dim sum. I mentioned their food no-nos -- well, almost all dim sum at the Imperial Inn had pork in it, so they ended up ordering from the regular menu. I was stuck fending for myself. I did my best.

On to the full review...

THE FOOD: I started too fast, I admit it. I ordered shrimp dumplings off of cart No. 1, pork and shrimp gyoza from cart No. 2, and fried taro balls with pork and shrimp from cart No. 3. I couldn't say no. I realized my mistake rather quickly -- they had a lot to choose from and my stomach can only take so much. I settled for one more dish -- I honestly can't even remember it was right now, but I know that it had pork. The food was actually pretty decent -- the taro balls were a little bit too mushy on the insides, but they were different. I liked the dumplings and gyoza. I really wish I could have tried more -- they had lots of interesting items on later carts. Oh well.

THE DRINKS: Philly finest (tap water). They have a bar, but it almost looks like they put it in what used to be the coat closet. Weird.

THE STAFF: Us: "So, is there anything vegetarian on the dum sum carts?" Them: "Yes, have vegetables. And pork and shrimp. Everything." Us: "Yeah, but is there anything a vegetarian can eat?" Them: "Order from menu." Us: "Oh, OK."

MAD PROPS FOR: The hostess. We walked in and were told to sit down near the entrance and that they would seat us in a few minutes (the place was very crowded). We sat down for about 30 seconds in seats about 6 feet away. A group of two others was sitting a little closer. She sat them first, of course, but then made us move into their seats, a whole 3 feet away. It felt like we were in line for a ride at the amusement park.

OVERALL: The wife is not much of a Chinatown fan, but I have always enjoyed the adventure. Still, Imperial Inn feels too much like an dumbed-down Chinese restaurant and the clientele was absolutely all over the place -- some people who spoke only Chinese and some people who appeared to be in from Iowa. I did like the dum sum concept, but I wouldn't go back to Imperial Inn. Alas...

THE CHECK: $36 for the 3 of us, with tip. I expensed it (no joke, it was our "going away lunch" for our intern. Have I mentioned how lax our company meal policy is?)

On to the J...

Ineligible restaurants for round 10:

• Jack's Firehouse -- I so wish I could say nice things about this Fairmount staple. The space is stunning, but the food is just so subpar and so expensive that no one is happy with their experience. They do a great job marketing to the suburbanites who walk there from the Art Museum, which keeps the place afloat, but it always makes me sad when I walk by. It could be so good with the right concept and chef. Oh well.
• James -- A favorite of foodies, I only went once 2 years or so ago and was underwhelmed. May have just been a bad night.
• Jim's Steaks -- No place better for a 3 a.m. cheesesteak, and the line proves it. I send tourists here not because the cheesesteaks are wonderful, but because it has that Philly feel. Plus, you can walk there from Independence Park.
• Jimmy John's -- The first time I noticed a Jimmy John's in Philadelphia, I did a double take. "A Decatur chain on the East Coast?" I guess they must be branching out.
• J.L. Sullivan's Speakeasy -- Beautiful space that replaced Zanzibar Blue on Broad Street, but the menu is fried, fried, fried. It sort of is trying to be a sports bar. It isn't going to make it.
• Johnny Manana's -- Fun place in East Falls, but not much more than a Friday's with Mexican food.
• Jones -- I end up here a lot for lunch since it's right around the corner from my office, and let me tell you, this place cleans up. The food isn't cheap, but it is generally decent. I'm a sucker for their fried chicken in a basket with fries. The "make your own salad" can be good too. Portion size is out of control.

Candidates for round 10:

• Jake's -- Loud and proud in Manayunk. http://www.jakesrestaurant.com/
• Jamaican Jerk Hut -- Free joint with every order over $10. Kidding, kidding. I have heard mixed things about this no-nonsense joint, but more good than bad. http://philadelphia.menupages.com/restaurants/jamaican-jerk-hut/
• John's Roast Pork -- A weird hut just off of 95. Only open for lunch Mondays through Fridays, but it consistently wins city contents for the best cheesesteak. It even, surprisingly, has its own website. http://www.johnsroastpork.com/
• Joseph Ambler Inn -- I would almost bet I have been here in my younger days, but I don't remember it, that's for sure. Upscale Continental out in North Wales. http://www.josephamblerinn.com/.

"H" is for Hymie's Merion Station

Got a little sidetracked by vacation, NCAA basketball and work, but the journey resumed this weekend with something a little bit different -- the traditional Jewish delicatessan in Philadelphia's traditional Main Line.

Jewish delis have a weird history -- Italians came over and started serving pasta, the German served sausages, and the Greeks their gyros. All traditional foods from the "home country." But since the wandering nomads of the world (that's us) didn't really have a "home country" they brought with them gigantic smoked meat sandwiches, matzo ball soup, and chopped liver. Why? Who knows. But we did, and good for us. I love a good corned beef on rye with russian dressing and cole slaw. I mean, that's three yummy things together -- how can you miss (that's a rhetorical question, people -- obviously, if any one of those three elements are subpar, you can miss big time)?

Which brings us to the latest stop on our restaurant odyssey -- Hymie's Merion Station. It's as traditional as it gets in the Jewish deli circles. Jewish delis are weird creatures -- it's as much the menu as it is the clientele. I know that the wife sometimes gets a little annoyed when I perpetuate Jewish stereotypes, but the Jewish customer is just classic in their rapid fire demands ("I want a turkey sandwich on rye, but I want the turkey sliced thin and the spicy mustard from New York, with half a side of cole slaw and half a side of potato salad, you can do that right?, and then I want an extra pickle, but don't charge me for it, you can do that right? and extra lemons for my water and two Sweet and Lows, and then a small slice of cheesecake for dessert (wink wink), and oh, are you single, wait let me show you a picture of my granddaughter") Maybe I'm exaggerating (but not much) -- I always snicker inside when I hear one of these orders. And then of course the sweet waitress nods her heads and says, "OK, sure, whatever bubbala."

That's exactly what happened at Hymie's at the table next to us. Just a very long, I-know-what-I-want-and-how-I-want-it kind of order. But I digress...

If you want to take the measure of a Jewish deli, you need to see how their matzo ball soup and corned beef/pastrami/chopped liver tastes. If they can't do that well, they can't survive. And, well, since Hymie's had thrived in the heart of moneyed Main Line for 70 years (there was a 10-minute wait for a table at noon on a Saturday and this isn't a small restaurant), I figured they were going to do these things well. And I was right. Very light, airy Matzo balls, but they didn't fall apart when you cut into them, which is key. And the corned beef/pastrami sandwich with russian dressing and cole slaw I got was very good. The cole slaw initially looked a little drippy, but it tasted the way it should. I will admit I was a little thrown off by the snootiness of the place -- perhaps because there have been so many weird articles in the Inky recently about these ridiculous in-fights going on on the Main Line -- but otherwise, there was a lot to like about Hymie's.

On the full review...

THE FOOD: Much like Murray's in Jenkintown (or thereabouts), there was a combinaton of traditional Jewish favorites for the old timers -- sable and whitefish anyone? -- with more common breakfast items, sandwiches, and more full dinners. The wife was very pleased with her eggs, home fries, bagel, and homemade danish. The home fries were particularly good -- a combination of the crisp, slightly burnt ones along with larger pieces and some fried onions. On any other visit, I probably would have stuck with breakfast as well (it was a bit early on a weekend for a full lunch), but I wanted to give my loyal readers (back down to 3 of you) a comprehensive review. The key to my sandwich was that it wasn't overly stuffed with meat but neither was it scrawny. Very yummy. The matzo ball soup, as mentioned earlier, was also just right. No complaints about the food.

THE DRINKS: I guess it's a good thing when my biggest complaint is about the water, but something was really off there. Especially for a Main Line restaurant, I was expecting drinkable water. It was awful swill. The coffee was good, though. Tables next to us got milkshakes, which looked yummy, but we had already ordered by the time we saw them.

THE STAFF: According to one of the articles on the wall -- Hymie's proudly displayed all the awards its won over the years -- our waitress had been there for 50+ years. I forget her name, but she was nice enough. I loved her hair -- one of those '60s hairdos. I asked the wife if she was going to be asking her hairdresser for that 'do. She kicked me.

MAD PROPS FOR: The clientele. Old, young, middle aged, single, married -- fun for the entire family. Needless to say, it was probably 90% Jewish, and there were some snooty Main Liners (more on that later), but it was entertaining to see the combinations of people walking in and eating together.

OVERALL: A nice change up. It's a very different vibe than, say, Honey's, but I can see why it's so popular. The food is priced right, they move through things quickly, and they pay attention to what their customers want. A well-stocked bakery and deli is attached to the restaurant for take out orders. I did get a little turned off by the snootiness of some customers -- I lined up in the wrong line to pay and the woman behind me sort of turned up her nose and said, "Uh, the register to pay is over there." I keyed her BMW on the way out. Just kidding (or am I?)

THE CHECK: $27, with tip. It was priced right for what we got.

Three months in and we've hit 8 restaurants. We hit a lull for a while, but there have been some recent winners. We're still a bit ahead of schedule and heading into the warmer weather, which means more outdoor seating and checking out the honeys walking by on the sidewalk. I'll bring my camera along to show you the sites.

On to the Is...

Ineligible restaurants for round 9:

• International House of Pancakes: When I was little, I loved the idea of IHOP. Lots of yummy pancakes with lots of yummy syrups. Now? Not so much. I'm a snob.
• Il Cantuccio: My first meal at this Italian stalwart in Northern Liberties was one of the best Italian dinners I've ever had. The second time around was not as stellar, but this is still a reliable (but busy) spot.
• Illuminare: When I first moved into Fairmount, I really used to like Illuminare. The layout is great, with an open kitchen up front, a beautiful courtyard, and really comfortable seating. But the food just isn't where it needs to be for as much as they are charging. It's been a while since I've been back.
• Inn Flight: I think I was here once, but what sticks out for me about Inn Flight is the really low budget commercials they used to constantly have on TV when I was little. For some reason, they stuck.
• Irish Pub: The beer is OK, the atmosphere not so great, and the food is awful. Yet it packs in the college kids.

Candidates for Round 9:

• Ida Mae's Bruncherie: Much as I try to avoid Fishtown, I've read good things about this interesting locale. http://www.idamaesbruncherie.com/.
• Imperial Inn: Dim sum in Chinatown. Somehow, I have never had dim sum in my life. Is it time to try it? http://philadelphia.menupages.com/restaurantdetails?restaurantid=39480.
• Indonesia Restaurant: Weird that there is an Indonesian restaurant near the South Philly stadiums, but why not/ http://www.indonesiarestaurant.com/.
• Inn at St. Peter's Village: Cozy B&B wayyyy out in the boonies. http://www.innatsaintpeters.com/.

"G" is for Geechee Girl Rice Cafe

Back during the Dark Ages (otherwise known as the 3.5 years I lived in Decatur, IL), it always used to annoy me when I asked people from Chicago if they had ever been to Central Illinois. They often looked at me as if I had a third eye before saying, "Now why would I ever leave Chicago for anything! There is no way anything outside of the city is worth a damn!" It was a weird, closed-minded mentality that didn't seem to make sense.

But now that I'm on the other side of the fence -- living in downtown Philadelphia where restaurants are as plentiful as acne on a 16-year-old -- I can sort of see where that elitist, urban, "we've got the best of everything" attitude comes from. So it was nice to break out of the downtown rut this weekend and drive over to Geechee Girl Rice Cafe, tucked away on a pretty little piece of Mt. Airy. Now, granted, it isn't as if it was much of a trek -- maybe 20 minutes each way. But it is still a very different sort of feel than Center City.

And Geechee Girl is a different sort of restaurant. It bills itself as West African, though admittedly, the menu is a little bit all over the place. It is family owned by 2 or 3 sisters -- they told us, but I forget. The owner's family actually showed up to sit down for dinner while we were there -- talk about a good strategy to get a free meal! It was larger than I was expected and really done up nicely. There were a group of family pictures on the wall near the entrance, local artwork around the restaurants, and some attractive track lighting throughout. I liked it.

I had carefully scouted the menu prior to our arrival and I had a sense of what I wanted. But then I heard "fried chicken" among the specials and I jumped. I really like fried chicken, and yes, I know how awful it is for me. Now I'm not talking KFC fried chicken -- gross -- but fried chicken in a good restaurant that is not greasy but crispy and crunchy and moist and just yum yum yum. Anyway, about 5 minutes after I ordered it, I thought to myself how stupid I was. It wasn't that I was worried if it would be good or not, but I was there to try something different and ethnic and unique, and I settled for Thai fried chicken. Now, it was very good -- all of the food I had was very good (the wife's dinner was so-so, but otherwise, thumbs up across the board) -- but I should have gotten something more unique to the restaurant. Oh well.

On to the full rundown of Geechee Girl Rice Cafe...

THE FOOD: The fried okra and corn fritters had more okra than corn, which was fine. They were pretty much fancy latkes -- not too heavy or greasy. Very yummy. Our waiter was nice enough to give me a little taste of their black eyed peas with ham as well -- also good. Every entree comes with a choice of various kind of rice, which I thought was a cool touch. My fried chicken was good, but it was cut up into pieces instead of "pick it up, lick your fingers, and towel off" fried chicken, which I actually prefer. There was a sweet glaze on the chicken (that was the thai part) and the sauce was excellent. The Asian slaw was pretty mediocre. Still, I liked the flavors and the presentation overall.

THE DRINKS: Honestly, their South African Ginger Beer was one of the best nonalcoholic drinks I have ever had. It tasted unlike anything I had had before. It was sort of like a ginger iced tea, but way better. I only drank one, but it was excellent.

THE STAFF: I initially ordered the black eyed peas and ham instead of rice to go with my entree. A minute or so later, our waiter came over and said, "You know, that probably won't go so well with the sauce." I appreciated his input and changed my order. He was even nice enough to give me a taste of the black eyed peas. We also spoke to the owner and one of the other waitresses, both of whom were very nice.

MAD PROPS FOR: The neighborhood. I had never been in the pseudo-downtown Mt. Airy. There wasn't much to it, but it was a neat vibe. Geechee Girl is very much a neighborhood place -- we could tell most everyone else there were regulars or near-regulars.

OVERALL: You're probably to this point and thinking, "Wow, this is a great place. I should go." And I'm not saying you shouldn't. But the one thing to keep in mind is that the restaurant is overpriced by at least 25%. I don't mind paying for good food, but this was a little on the high side, especially in this economy. That was my only negative mark on Geechee Girl. Otherwise, I'd be back. If I ever leave the city to eat again.

THE CHECK: $60, with tip. Not awful, I know, but for 3 fritters, 2 middle-of-the-road entrees as far as ingredients go, and 1 nonalcoholic drink, it was a bit too much.

On to the "Hs"...

Ineligible restaurants for round 8:

• Hamifgash -- Talk about a mismanaged restaurant. I was sort of excited when this Glatt kosher place opened up near my office, but then they put up pictures of the food. It looks like various shades of throw up. Too bad too, because the chicken shwarma in a pita is quite good. I'm surprised it's lasted as long as it has, to be honest.
• Hard Rock Cafe -- I know this will sound weird, but one of the best meals I had was as a 16-year-old at a Hard Rock Cafe. Watermelon ribs -- I can still taste them on my lips. One of my first great meals.
• Honey's Sit and Eat -- Ahhh, Honey's. As close to a perfect restaurant as you can get. The best brunch in the city for the price, and dinner is pretty f'in good as well. Plus, the waitstaff is incredibly cool and they laugh at my jokes. I even had a waitress who knew my birthday. That's love. I love Honey's. You know how people on death row get to choose their last meal? I would seriously consider choosing Honey's. Yes, you have to wait for a table for brunch, BUT THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT PEOPLE? You want the best, you wait. Period.
• Hooters -- Wait, they serve food here? Huh, I never noticed.

Candidates for round 8:

• Honey -- No, it's not Honey's, and no, it's not in the city. But it's gotten some good ink... for a suburban joint. http://www.honeyrestaurant.com/
• Horizons -- Philadelphia's No. 1 vegan restaurant. I'll sneak in a Slim Jim and munch on it in front of all the other customers with a dumb, "What's wrong?" look on my face. http://www.horizonsphiladelphia.com/
• Hostaria Da Elio -- Small, intimate BYOB off of South Street. http://philadelphia.menupages.com/restaurantdetails?restaurantid=39971
• Hymie's Merion Station -- There is some weird fight going on between Jewish delis on the Main Line. This is one of the pugilists. http://www.hymies.com/deli.html